You are not a problem to be solved…

You Are Not a Problem to Be Solved: Affirmations, Resources, and Truth for the LGBTQ+ Community

Let’s cut through the noise.

You are not broken. You are not confused. You are not a phase, a political debate, or someone else’s moral dilemma. You are a human being—messy, magnificent, and absolutely worthy of love exactly as you are.

I’m writing this as a queer person who knows what it’s like to wrestle with identity, faith, fear, and the relentless question: “Am I allowed to exist as myself?”

The answer is yes. The answer has always been yes.

But I know “yes” doesn’t always feel accessible when the world keeps screaming otherwise. So let’s talk about what the research actually says, where to find support, and how to reclaim the autonomy that was always yours to begin with.

The Truth They Don’t Want You to Hear

Here’s something that shouldn’t be revolutionary but somehow still is: LGBTQ+ people are not inherently prone to higher mental health risks because of who they are.

The Trevor Project’s 2024 National Survey of over 18,000 LGBTQ+ young people found that those who live in accepting communities attempt suicide at less than half the rate of those in unaccepting ones. Let that sink in. It’s not queerness that hurts us—it’s rejection, discrimination, and the exhausting weight of existing in spaces that refuse to make room for us.

When we have affirming families, affirming schools, affirming communities? We thrive. The science is clear: acceptance isn’t just nice—it’s literally life-saving.

Affirmations for Your Journey

Read these. Say them out loud. Write them on your mirror. Tattoo them on your soul:

My identity is not up for debate. I am the expert on who I am.
I deserve relationships that celebrate me—not ones that merely tolerate me.
My worth is not determined by anyone else’s comfort level.
Coming out is not a single moment. It’s an ongoing act of courage, and I get to decide when, how, and if I share my truth with anyone.
I am allowed to take up space. Fully. Unapologetically.
My joy is an act of resistance. Every laugh, every love, every moment of happiness is a reclamation.
I am not responsible for other people’s discomfort with my existence.
Healing is not linear. Some days I will stumble. That doesn’t erase my progress.
I can be queer and spiritual. I can be queer and conservative. I can be queer and anything else I choose. My identities are not contradictions.
I am enough. Right now. Not when I’m more “acceptable.” Not when I’ve earned it. Now.

What the Research Says About Affirming Care

Despite what certain politicians would have you believe, evidence-based, affirming mental health care works. Multiple clinical trials have demonstrated that LGBTQ-affirmative cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) significantly reduces depression, anxiety, and suicidality among LGBTQ+ individuals.

A 2024 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Health Services Research found that when mental health providers embrace affirming approaches—validating LGBTQ+ identities and addressing the unique impacts of minority stress—clients report feeling like they “actually matter.” Revolutionary concept, right?

For transgender and nonbinary youth specifically, research published in JAMA Network Open found that gender-affirming medical interventions were associated with lower rates of depression and suicidality over a 12-month period.

The data isn’t ambiguous. Affirmation heals. Rejection harms.

Finding Autonomy: Your Identity, Your Rules

Autonomy means recognizing that you get to define your identity. Not your parents. Not your church. Not a politician who has never met you. You.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your identity is valid whether or not you can articulate it perfectly. You don’t need a manifesto. “This is who I am” is enough.

You can change your mind. Labels are tools, not cages. If a word stops fitting, let it go. If a new one feels right, try it on. Self-discovery is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.

You can set boundaries. “I’m not discussing this with you” is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify your existence to people who’ve already decided not to believe you.

You can build your own family. Chosen family is real family. The people who show up for you, who see you, who love you as you are—those are your people.

Coming Out: There’s No One “Right” Way

Coming out is often painted as this singular, dramatic moment. The reality? It’s usually a series of decisions, big and small, spread across your entire life. And every single one of them belongs to you.

Safety first. Always. Your wellbeing matters more than anyone’s “right to know.” If coming out would put you in danger—physically, emotionally, financially—you are allowed to wait. Your survival is not cowardice; it’s wisdom.

Start where you feel safe. Maybe that’s one trusted friend. Maybe it’s an online community. Maybe it’s a journal entry no one else will ever see. Every step counts.

Prepare for a range of reactions. Some people will surprise you with their love. Others will disappoint you with their fear. Neither reaction changes who you are.

Give people time—but not unlimited time. Family members sometimes need space to process. That’s human. But “processing” shouldn’t become code for indefinite rejection. You deserve to know where you stand.

Resources That Actually Help

You shouldn’t have to navigate this alone. Here are organizations doing real work:

Crisis Support

The Trevor Project — 24/7 crisis support for LGBTQ+ young people. Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678.
Trans Lifeline — Peer support by and for trans people. US: 877-565-8860 | Canada: 877-330-6366.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call or text 988. LGBTQ+-specific support available.

Family & Acceptance

PFLAG — The nation’s largest organization for LGBTQ+ people, parents, and allies. Find a local chapter for support.
Family Acceptance Project — Research-based resources showing families how acceptance protects LGBTQ+ youth.
Strong Family Alliance — Support for parents navigating their child’s coming out journey.
LGBTQ Family Acceptance — Evidence-based resources to decrease mental health risks and promote wellbeing.

Mental Health & Affirming Care

Psychology Today LGBTQ+ Therapist Directory — Find affirming mental health providers near you.
National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center — Educational resources for both providers and individuals.
GLMA: Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ+ Equality — Provider directory for LGBTQ+-competent healthcare.

Legal & Rights

Lambda Legal — Legal advocacy for LGBTQ+ civil rights.
National Center for Transgender Equality — Policy advocacy and know-your-rights resources.
Movement Advancement Project — Research and policy analysis for LGBTQ+ equality.

Community & Connection

CenterLink — Directory of LGBTQ+ community centers across the country.
It Gets Better Project — Stories of hope and community from LGBTQ+ people worldwide.
Family Equality — Resources for LGBTQ+ families and those building them.

The Numbers Don’t Lie

Let’s talk data, because the data matters:

84% of LGBTQ+ young people want mental health care—but half can’t access it.
90% of LGBTQ+ youth say recent politics have negatively impacted their wellbeing.
39% of LGBTQ+ young people seriously considered suicide in the past year—but rates drop dramatically in accepting environments.
LGBTQ+ youth who found their schools affirming reported lower rates of suicide attempts.
Young people from families with high acceptance are more than 8 times less likely to attempt suicide compared to those from rejecting families.

This isn’t opinion. This is peer-reviewed, replicated research from institutions like San Francisco State University’s Family Acceptance Project and The Trevor Project. The message is unmistakable: acceptance saves lives.

A Note on Faith

I’m a person of faith. And I’m queer. These identities don’t cancel each other out.

If you’ve been told God doesn’t love you, that your identity is sin, that you have to choose between who you are and who you worship—I want you to know there’s another way. There are affirming faith communities. There are theologians and pastors and rabbis and imams who see your identity as sacred, not shameful.

You don’t have to abandon your spirituality to embrace yourself. And you don’t have to abandon yourself to keep your faith.

This Is Your Moment

Things need to change. The systems, the policies, the hateful rhetoric—all of it needs to change. And it won’t change without us demanding better, building better, being better.

But here’s what I want you to remember while we’re fighting for that change: You are not the problem.

You are not too much. You are not too complicated. You are not asking for too much by wanting to live freely, love openly, and exist without apology.

Your voice matters. Your story is powerful. Your journey is worth sharing.

And you? You are worth fighting for.

— Tony Gebhard | Inclusive Pulse

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. The Trevor Project is available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386 or by texting START to 678-678. You are not alone.