May is here. New month, new page, new chance to be a little kinder to ourselves than we were yesterday.
I want to talk about something small that hit me hard recently. My partner and I were sitting together, and we decided to try something that honestly felt awkward at first — we gave ourselves compliments out loud. Just to ourselves. About ourselves. And then we turned and affirmed each other.
I wish you could have seen our faces. We were grinning so hard. Then we just held each other in that moment, and it was one of those quiet things that you don’t realize you needed until you’re already inside of it. No grand gesture. No big production. Just two people choosing kindness, out loud, on purpose.
That’s the kind of thing I want to carry into May.
Self-love isn’t soft. It’s the work.
For a long time I thought loving myself was something I’d earn after I fixed enough stuff. After the next milestone. After I got my act together. Sobriety taught me that’s backwards. You don’t get well and then love yourself. You love yourself, even badly, even imperfectly, and that’s part of how you get well.
Every sober day is a love letter I’m writing to the version of me that almost didn’t make it. Every morning I show up for my recovery, I’m telling that kid he matters. Every time I choose the harder, kinder thing — saying no to the thing that hurts, saying yes to the thing that heals — that’s self-love in action. Not the Pinterest version. The real one.
Some affirmations for a new beginning
If you’re staring down May and you need something to hold onto, here are some affirmations that have been carrying me. Read them out loud if you can. There’s something about hearing your own voice say these things that hits different.
- I am allowed to begin again. Today. As many times as I need to.
- My sobriety is not a punishment. It is a gift I give myself every single day.
- I do not have to earn rest. I do not have to earn love. I do not have to earn the right to take up space.
- The kindest voice in my head gets to be the loudest one today.
- I can be proud of how far I’ve come without pretending the road was easy.
- I am worthy of the same compassion I give to everyone else.
- My story is still being written, and I get to hold the pen.
- I do not need to be perfect to be loved. I do not need to be finished to be enough.
- I am building a life I do not need to escape from.
- I always matter. Not when I succeed. Not when I’m useful. Always.
Try this with someone you love
If you’ve got a partner, a friend, a family member, somebody you trust — try what we tried. Take turns. Compliment yourself first, even if it feels ridiculous. Then affirm each other. Be specific. Mean it. Watch what happens to your face. Watch what happens to theirs.
We’ve been trained to flinch away from kindness pointed at us. We deflect. We crack a joke. We change the subject. This month, try catching it instead. Let it land. Let yourself believe it for a second longer than is comfortable. That second is where the healing starts.
May we all be a little gentler this month. With ourselves first. With everyone else after.
Stay groovy. Lots of love.
You always matter.
— Tony
Tony Gebhard 